In the Sussudio

With the current climate (-3 degrees Centigrade was the lowest the Renault Clio told me today) Oli Gibbings decided he needed to warm up his fingers before pressing on with the more technicallly advanced routines in his practice session. Here are the results. Why not subscribe to the youtube channel here to see even more informative clips.

Variety is the Spice of Life

As another bunch of celebrities prepare to enter the Big Brother house, I'm sure everyone is gripped with anticipation, shivering with anxiety and foaming at the mouth with intent (either that or you've forgotten your insulin injection).

Last year proved quite a milestone in television, showing that it was OK to call Indian people "Poppadom" and tell them to go home, especially if they were indeed from India. What then followed was an horrific victimisation of a talented, intelligent, and, in many ways, prominent thinker of our times; Jade Goody.

Jade Goody, television star, novelist, fitness guru (she's appeared in 5 fitness DVDs), and all round role model for children and adults everywhere is a great example of "Do what you can with what you've got" - and she's done incredibly well off it. Except for cancer.

Now that we are being forced by the state to accept all these racial types, and not hurl racial slurs at them (political correctness gone mad it is) I'm wondering where this will lead us. A multi-ethnic and multi-cultural society? Not on my watch.

And if variety is the spice of life, do we still need Cloves? Or are Schwartz going to struggle in the current political climate, forced out by an accepting, tolerant and welcoming environment, embracing variety?

And so to a rare hypothesis; Political Correctness will render Herbs and Spices (and the industry thereof) irrelevant and unnecessary. You heard it here first.

The Day After Boxing Day

More commonly know as the '27th' today is when you realise how much of your Christmas stocking was filled with food. Too much chocolate. I'll make this a quick one because my head is hurting.

Isaac's Top Christmas Moments (of the last two years. I can't remember any particular moments before these)

5. Slippers - always a solid gift. With Homer Simpson on even better.
4. Seeing Elephants - Christmas in South Africa. Sunny Christmas day. Mental.
3. Supertramp - playing Crime of the Century while people ate buffet. Good stuff.
2. The Family Fortunes board game - cheap thrills.
1. Pass the Parcel - during this crazy version of the traditional party game I learnt I had the longest little finger in the room, coming it at 9cm (3 1/2 Inches) from the knuckle - I also got lipsticked.

All in all this Christmas was a solid Christmas, nothing shocking and nothing overly boring. Although with another family meal due tomorrow, how will it score on the 29th? I'm preparing for a roller-coaster of a Sunday.

What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?

Indigestion.

It is the night before christmas. Contrary to the poem, there are creatures stirring in this house, though I'm not sure any of them are a mouse. In fact, that would be most unhygienic.

Stewart Lee 41st best stand-up in the world ever was on my viewing agenda today. Unfortunately I am to report, with some disappointment, that on second viewing it is not as good as the first. And even the first viewing wasn't that great, in all honesty.
It's not that it's bad, it's just not that funny for what is supposed to be a comedy routine. A rather dull stuffing is specked with occasional peppercorns. Here, peppercorns are moments of great comedy routine (let's say Schwartz), but the stuffing itself is Paxo at best.

If you are going to watch a standup show, may I recommend Russell Howard's live DVD. I personally enjoy his Bristol accent, and some of what he says is genuinely quite funny. And it's not all material that he's used on Mock the Week. Like Frankie Boyle.

Rudolph and the gang should be on their way any minute, I just hope Santa can find time to fit in all the kids. What with the credit crunch, gas failure to those 18,000 homes and a bad year for Gordon Brown it's time something went to plan for them. Poor guys.

Homeward Bound

Leaving Bath on the 21st of December, having tidied up the house, and given it a good airing, I was all set for Christmas at home.

For the first 50mins (approx) of the 3 hour (approx) journey in the Renault Clio, we listened to These are the Vistas, an early album by The Bad Plus. This album (2003), is not brilliant. It is very 'samey' and a lot of the tunes are just plain dull. However, there are a few brighter points to the album; I like the ending section in 7 on their cover of 'Heart of Glass' (blondie), and the cover of Flim (Aphex Twin) is good for the first few listens, however the original is better. The final song on the album (not including Bonus Tracks) 'Silence is the Question' is the best track on the album by far, in fact it is one of my favourite Bad Plus pieces. Other favourites include Prehensile Dream & Chariots of Fire (both off Suspicious Activity? (2005) a far superior album). I urge you to listen.

After stopping at the services for a BLT and an Appletiser, and to get some Wine Gums (I like the red ones) for the road, we proceeded homeward, although soon after departure, I fell asleep. Waking up promptly at the Charterhouse Road BP where we were filling up the car. I used the last few minutes of the journey to return to full awareness in time to carry my clothes in.

Since home and unpacked I have eaten well, scored 175 (getting a spare or strike on each bowl bar one) in Orpington Superbowl, been disheartened by the shoddy internet connection provided by Virgin Media, watched Truman Show and Ice Age (The Coolest Event In 16,000 Years), had a bath, drank Ribena, spent £20, eaten two grapes, and played a D7 chord on a piano. It's shaping up to be a great Christmas.

Dermot Oh Jesus! What a load of Piss....

This blog is coming at you directly from Devon. Life in Bath is normally quite busy, and members of the house in which I reside do not normally have the television projecting itself a lot of the time. Since it's Christmas (as Cliff would probably love to remind us), or certainly within the season thereof, Devon is my place of residence at present. Here, the television is projecting a lot of the time.

Firstly, I want to cover "The X Factor". Now I know millions of people can't be wrong, but they're definitely wrong. Carl Orff would surely turn in his grave at the notion of his scenic cantata "Carmina Burana" being linked with such mind-numbing filth. There must be a better way of finding 'talent'...

Secondly, the schedule for the Christmas period proved fruitless in terms of quality films. I've yet to see one film scheduled that is supported by Thomas Newman's score; instead, Adam Sandler's entire back catalogue and "The Core"; a delightful apocalyptic romp in the vein of such greats (read laced with irony) as Armageddon, Deep Impact and The Day After Tomorrow. With Hilary Swank. My favourite line so far is: "I hate this sky". Inspired writing.

Still, all is not lost, I was able to catch a repeat of Friends on E4 earlier.

That's Clucky!

Sitting in my front room in the city of Bath (Population: 80,000, OS Grid Reference: ST745645I, Co Ordinates: 51.3809, -2.3603) I want to talk about my latest BBC iplayer experience.

I recently watched a show about the slaughter of millions of Turkeys at this time of year in preparation for the traditional Christmas meal; Kill it, Cook it, Eat it. It featured the slaughter of live Turkeys as well as Geese. Now, I think it's fair to say that nobody enjoys watching animals being slaughtered, so was this TV show really necessary? I don't think so. Unless the BBC has suddenly decided that eating meat is an inhumane life choice and want to scare the public into vegetarianism. To which I ask; Would this then be an unacceptable way to spend the licence fee money? Should a company in such a powerful position as the BBC be allowed to use their programming to influence the way people live and act? Are they really just a propaganda machine?

No. Because they also feature programmes such as Merlin. Awful.

What's in a name?

We've been mulling over the name of a song of ours which is yet to be imaginatively labeled recently. The list is as follows:

A Sinner in the Rye
Along came Sinner
Bridget Jones' Sinner
Meet the Sinner
Raging Sinner
Lord of the Sins (Rings)
Lord of the Sins (Flies)
To Kill a Sin-bird
The Sin Eater (No adjustment necessary; although a shit film.)
Sin City (No adjustment necessary; not a bad film)
The Usual Sins
SinFellas
The Jungle Sin
Jumansin (based on Jumangi, doesn't really work that one...)
One Flew over the Cuckoo's Sinner
The Shawshank Redempsin

And the unanimous favourite: Sindler's List

In the end though, we went with "A Tale of Two Sinners", though I preferred "Hannibal", Anthony Hopkins was great in that one.

In a rare tangent, Isaac is putting a few final touches on the website, which should go live sometime over Christmas, only a couple of tracks of vocals are left to record, and the artwork for our upcoming disc has been started.

Now I Know That I'm Too Young

Attending the 'Cheese' night at the local Po Na Na club, having been turned away from OPA bar for incorrect footwear selection, I was greeted by the sounds of Robbie Williams' Rock DJ. By this point I was already slightly intoxicated due to my consumption of 3 pints (Kronenbourg 1664) at our earlier visit to Whetherspoons and the fact my dinner consisted of a Co-op Chicken and Bacon sandwich (excellently selected) - £2.30.

I had also eaten from the Newton Park Library vending machine, deliberating between, before buying both, a Chocolate Chip Tracker Bar (selector number 144) - 40p, and a packet of Cadbury's Dairy Milk Buttons (selector number 150) - 50p. Both were of reasonable standard as to be expected, although as the vending machine was not capable of refrigeration, the Milk Buttons were slighty too soft.

Other tunes I heard in the underground, arabian style complex, included various S Club 7 hits (including Reach!), Wannabe - Spice Girls, Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler, and I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meatloaf. Based on the material I had heard I felt a good request would be Sussudio by Phil Collins. The DJ didn't have it. On a 'Cheese' night.

Pete's Top Tip No.2

Although offering warmth/protection from the elements, when in a club, a scarf is a hassle. Don't take one unless you're prepared to budget for the cloakroom.

R Kelly believe it!!

Today has been a good night. I've embarked upon a blissful rediscovery of R Kelly's music, courtesy of We7.com.

"The R. In R & B Greatest Hits Collection Vol 1" is delivering on a basis almost as regular as clockwork; with hits Ignition, I Believe I Can Fly and If I Could Turn Back The Hands of Time within the first 4 tracks! Incredible. My one concern is whether or not Mr Kelly can maintain this pace and excitement throughout the disc.

On the subject of R Kelly, his sterling vocal performance and sparkling back catalogue are a little overshadowed by a dubious sexual preference.

John recommends:

For those of you who have a moral opposition to supporting such an artist, may I suggest a more child friendly alternative (in the sense that he's not reportedly abusing them): Tank. Great tunes, great grooves, and the 'N-word'.

Unfortunately I can report that my interest in the album was not held past the 4th track. And to think there were 2 volumes...

(Title should be read with a scottish accent)

Wider Baby Smiling You Just Made a Million

Deciding I needed some music to wake me from my deep slumber, I decided to check out We7.com on which I had recently registered. Giving my profile on the site a quick once over I realised that, as of yet, there was no music on it, and this was a wrong that could be easily be righted.

So I began to rifle through pages of search results and to stream many of the high quality tracks offered up on a plate of Javascript. So far I have managed to listen to a strange selection of tunes: It's Not That Easy (Lemar), Why Don't You Get a Job? (The Offspring), 99 Red Balloons (Nena), Geno (Dexy's Midnight Runners), Girls on Film & Rio (Duran Duran).

My conclusion:

Whilst this site offers an amazing selection of music from all sorts of origins, you will enivitably hear more adverts for Littlewoods.com than you would choose otherwise, and, like me, you may end up listening to Push it by Salt-N-Pepa. Safe to say there is still no music added to my profile.

Oli Gibbings speaks the truth

When searching for the Girls on Film artwork, Google images does not tend to display the desired results.

Out of the lake, into the Bath (also chilly)

The weather in Bath has taken a nippy turn of late, with a temperature of around 4 degrees outside, and a relative humidity of 83%. Due to an efficient insulation system and dehumidification program, the temperature in this bedroom is 12.7 degrees, and humidity currently stands at a paltry 66%. In the mid-term, the weather looks set to improve slightly over the course of the next 4 days; at least if the BBC's forecast is anything to go by.

When quizzed on staying warm in cold conditions, Miss S Rance had numerous suggestions, but pinned down to two top tips volunteered: "Go outside with no clothes on, take a cold drink" and "Sit in a paddling pool for four hours". Whilst seemingly sound advice, when pressured for some evidence of authority within this field of research, she was not forthcoming with any response.

In short, wrap up warm folks.

(The titular pun is derivative of "Out of the frying pan, into the fire". What I've done is change frying pan for lake, and substituted fire for Bath. Bath can either be a proper noun here or just a regular noun - it's sort of a play on words.)

Only Connect

I am currently putting my broadband to good use by streaming (in high quality) a show that goes by the title 'Only Connect'. As the British Broadcasting Corporation put it, the programme is a:

"Quiz show presented by Victoria Coren in which knowledge will only take you so far, as patience and lateral thinking are also vital. It is all about making connections between things which may appear, at first glance, not to be connected at all."


Sounds exciting? Well it's not.

Episode number 11: Bankers vs. ICT Consultants.

My first problem lies with Victoria Coren herself. She has also presented a very dull and laborious show based on the idea of finding more information on words recently added to the dictionary. As far as I know my family were the only people who knew of the show's existance. It was aired on BBC4 about 2 years ago if you're interested.

Only Connect is very up-itself; during the first couple of rounds, the two teams pick their 'questions' (connection puzzles) from a choice of 6 Greek letters. I like to play my own little game with this part of the show by trying to guess which of the symbols represents the Greek letter chosen.

Morag Traynor was the third player for the ICT Consultants and, with thanks to her name, the most interesting part of the 29 minute (including credits and title sequences) episode.

This is the second episode I've seen (I was giving it another chance) and both have ended in a tie-break. At least there's some excitement?

Final Score: Bankers 14 - ICT Consultants 13

Cold as Ice

It was around 12 - 12:30 on Tuesday 25th November that we decided we would test the water in the lake by dipping our feet in and as we suspected, the water was marked by a sufficient lack of warmth.

However seeing how beatiful the lake was (here) we returned around 15:30 with Oli, for a swim. These are the results.

Shower Curtain

In our 4 bedroom terraced house in Twerton, Bath, we are furnished with a water closet featuring a bath, a shower, a sink, a toilet, a bin and the boiler which is mounted to a wall and enclosed within a wooden cupboard. The bathroom is great for getting clean, and getting rid of the waste our bodies produce; as well as more aesthetic uses such as shaving, cleaning teeth or moisturising.

According to Wikipedia, a Wet Room is a shower within a bathroom with a barrier-free floor, and normally waterproof, with a foul air trap connecting the floor to the waste pipes.

Our bathroom is not one of these, use the fucking shower curtain.

Apparently the biggest manufacturer of "Hi-tech toilets" is a japanese firm entitled TOTO. Interesting innovations include:

The "Portable Washlet", Toto's portable hand-held bottom washer...

Artificial flush sounds, to mask noises such as body functions....

Urine and stool analysis, for medical monitoring. Matsushita's "Smart Toilet" checks blood pressure, temperature, and blood sugar.....

Digital clock, to monitor time spent in the bathroom...

Ridiculous.

Take that dyslexia!

Today could have been better.

Having spent in excess of £3 in Moorland road McColl's (The Booze Buster) on: 4 pints of Full Fat Milk, Maryland Cookies (2 for £1.30 (I got the original and double chocolate chip varieties)) and the Guardian newspaper, I later found out I could have bought Woolworths for £1... and still have had enough money to purchase the cookies and the paper.

I have also heard 'Dakota' by Sterephonics twice; once on We7.com in the process of research for a presentation due tomorrow on peer-to-peer services and how they can become legitimate, and secondly, on Series 22: Episode 8, of Never Mind The Buzzcocks, which I was streaming in high quality from BBCiplayer.

This show was OK at best, immediately dousing what was left of the fire in my spirit, by telling me Bill Bailey "never felt comfortable" on the show. He seemed such a happy man.

Buzzcocks also featured Mitch Hewer of Britania High (and Skins) fame. I had also seen more than I liked of said show (Britannia High) watching Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe, although Brooker was funny as ever. Simon Amstell's quip; "Take that dyslexia!", was a brighter moment, although did little to salvage the show which was now exuding through a layer of tediousness into complete monotony.

That-man-who-spoke-too-loudly-on-The-Hard-Sell:-Cigarettes-and-alchol-(narrated by Phil Jupitus another Buzzcocks star)'s Information Flash!

A good advert will have some of the following qualities:

• Punch


• Humour


• Style


• Wit


• Immediacy

Humidity Update: John's humidity reader displayed a reading of 83% after he returned home around 11:15pm. He subsequently turned the dehumidifier to 'ON'.

University Challenge

This second round fixture took place between Selwyn - Cambridge, and London School of Economics (where once I saw that most famous band Test Icicles).

Selwyn lost the match with LSE bringing home 270 points; double Selwyn's score.

As the half hour feast of intellectual stimuli transpired, I had achieved a success rate of approximately 8%. 7 questions correctly answered, all told. Copper. International Space Station. Hubble Telescope (starter question - 15 points). Dolly Parton.

Let it be known, Isaac Robson >= 8% genius.

Isaac's Player of the Quiz

Patel. Very quick on the buzzer. Several starter questions answered correctly well before Paxman had finished the question. The key player for LSE.


And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.

Cube 2 - Hypercube

As I was trawling through the charity shop in Moorland road (Shaw Trust), I noticed a man purchasing the sequel of the film 'Cube'; 'Cube 2 - Hypercube'. On VHS no less.

Contained in the film's profile on IMDB, the "Plot keywords", marked with a spoiler alert, reveal the descriptions "Head ripped off, stranger, blood on shirt, kidnapping, stabbed in the chest".

John Cordy, who claims to have seen the film, says it's about people trapped in a four dimensional cube (a tesseract). On the subject of the cube's added dimension, he quipped "it added an extra dimension of fear". Exciting stuff.

Update: The "Plot Keywords" have changed since the post. Still marked with a spoiler alert they now read: "Dying during sex, split screen, surrealism, suicide attempt, sex". For an extensive list click here.

Food for thought: Democracy

As I digest a regular portion of chips from Twerton chip shop (voted number 1 in bath, although the portions from Herbie's are more substantial) I have some thoughts regarding Democracy. According to Wikipedia, at the core of democracy is the ideal that all members of society have equal access to power, and also enjoy universally recognised freedoms and liberties. From this, I ascertain that the statement "Everyone's opinions matter" could be derived. However, I put it to you that in a society where everyone's opinion is equal, no-one's opinion matters. Also, in this model, a majority's opinions can overrule a major minority's opinions, thus rendering this group's opinions invalid. As a result, we have to watch Speed, featuring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock on BBC1 instead of Jonathan Ross. Mental.

Current humidity reading:75%

Double Olympic Silver Medalist

What has been going on in our neck of the woods?

Our local Co-op Scala was recently refurbished and re-opened by none other than Roger Black . (Amazing as he is, Roger Black did not refurbish the Co-op himself as that last sentence could seem to suggest. He may have given a hand carrying things around perhaps.)

We have also been trawling the local shops for some new attire and met a photographer today who will be working with us for the next couple of weeks. We expect to see the results by the end of November.


Pete's Top Tip no.1

If your shoes have gotten wet in the rain, stuff them with old newspaper. This will help soak up the water, leaving your shoes dry for next time you wear them.

Humidity

John's latest humidity reading comes in at 66%. That's down from 78% after approximately an hour of dehumidification using his Argos Value Range 10 Litre dehumidifier.

John's two minute review of the dehumidifier:

"Not too noisy, gets the job done, weighs around 15 kilos so make sure you're prepared for the journey home upon purchase. Will give more details after use. Efficient manual. Well packaged."

It's also 16 degrees Celsius which he has been checking with his iRox Hygrometer.

Update: John's humidity is currently in a state of fluctuation between 65 and 66%, so he's living in exciting times.