It's happened, despite global economic downturn, a disturbing level of knife and gun culture, Jade Goody's plight, Polar Bears' struggle with changing ecosystems, Homosexual Priests and rampant drink driving, Asda have continued to offer great prices and a comfortable shopping experience; highlighted by my acquisition of a 500millilitre vessel of Frijj milkshake for 46 pence. That's a price that would cheer up even Howard from the Halifax adverts (reports are in that he's now a raging alcoholic and lurks around branches of HSBC screaming "Who gives you extra? We do!" through an upturned traffic cone).
What's more, Frijj released a limited edition run; Vanillaaarrgggh (Vanilla). It tastes great, and the simplistic black and white design caught my attention, standing out amongst a crowd of dairy produce. This limited edition, in my opinion, far surpasses the Raspberry flavour of yester-year, and races on by, like a vanilla Lewis Hamilton (not a racial slur, by any means).
Now I'm not an expert on the economic crisis, and I've no investments, and as such have no fear of the liquidisation of the FTSE, and I was never invited to the NASDAQ party anyway. But, if Asda can offer Frijj for 46p, it looks increasingly like everything will be fine. And that's something we can all be happy about (except Jade Goody and David Cameron {the death of a son is at its core an inherently humourless subject, even less so with a disability in cumulation to the death...So I'll leave that there}).
And on top of all this great news, I'm getting 83% of my RDA of Calcium. I'm really over the moon.
Thursday 26 February 2009
Monday 23 February 2009
Taxi!
Telephone Operator: Hello, Abbey Taxis...
Me: Hi there, could I get a Taxi from Third Avenue please?
TO: Yup sure, where are you heading?
Me: To the hospital, A&E please.
TO: Okay, I'll get a taxi sent to you now.
Me: Okay cool, thanks, bye.
TO: No problem, bye.
--------------------------------------------------
So far gripping stuff, but let me take you back to the beginning.
It was Wednesday 18th February. Pete, John, Oli and myself had met at Natwest at presicely 11am. (Although I had woken up late which meant Pete, John and myself were about 15 minutes late.) We spent approximately 20 minutes inside the bank sorting out accounts etc, and then headed to WHSmiths for earplugs.
Although it was not my plan for that day, I decided I needed at least some form of hearing protection that wasn't in the form of a disposable ear plug, and bought the reuseable pair from WHSmiths for £6.99 Sterling. So far my day had been a productive one.
After purchasing a BLT, Guardian, and 750ml of Coke from the local Waitrose, and then proceeding to eat/drink (I saved the paper for home) the Sandwich (5/10) and Coke (7/10 - refreshing but I worry about my teeth), we wandered home.
The journey home was uneventful.
--------------------------------------------------
Alex: Hey...
Me: Alex, have you got any tweezers?
Alex: Yeah why?
Me: Could you bring them over now please?
Alex: Okay, are you alrite? What have you done?
Me: I'll tell you when you get here. Bye.
Alex: Okay, I'll be about 5 minutes, just got to get ready. Bye
-------------------------------------------------------
Pete was upstairs, Myself, down. I was in my chair, at my desk, when I remembered the earplugs, I thought I'd test them out. I retrieved them from my bag, at the same time fishing the paper out (saves me doing it later) and put both on the desk.
Top drawer, scissors, snip, ear plugs are out of the packaging. What do I have:
Two Ear plugs
Two Yellow Pegs (already inserted into the ear plugs)
Two White Pegs
Instructions (won't be needing them)
I put the earplugs in my ears, no problem there, they fitted well enough, and they were blocking out some of the sound waves reverberating around the house. All in all, on par. At this point I started to wonder what the white pegs were doing there.
--------------------------------------------------
Nurse: Do you want to keep that?
Me: No.
--------------------------------------------------
As I mentioned before, included in the handy, zip-up case for the earplugs were a set of instructions. Before reading these (I still haven't), I came to the conclusion the white peg must go in the end of the ear plug, not, as I now realise, in place of the yellow pegs.
--------------------------------------------------
Man Behind Desk: Hi, can I help you?
Me: Basically, I've got something stuck in my ear...
--------------------------------------------------
Me: Hi there, could I get a Taxi from Third Avenue please?
TO: Yup sure, where are you heading?
Me: To the hospital, A&E please.
TO: Okay, I'll get a taxi sent to you now.
Me: Okay cool, thanks, bye.
TO: No problem, bye.
--------------------------------------------------
So far gripping stuff, but let me take you back to the beginning.
It was Wednesday 18th February. Pete, John, Oli and myself had met at Natwest at presicely 11am. (Although I had woken up late which meant Pete, John and myself were about 15 minutes late.) We spent approximately 20 minutes inside the bank sorting out accounts etc, and then headed to WHSmiths for earplugs.
Although it was not my plan for that day, I decided I needed at least some form of hearing protection that wasn't in the form of a disposable ear plug, and bought the reuseable pair from WHSmiths for £6.99 Sterling. So far my day had been a productive one.
After purchasing a BLT, Guardian, and 750ml of Coke from the local Waitrose, and then proceeding to eat/drink (I saved the paper for home) the Sandwich (5/10) and Coke (7/10 - refreshing but I worry about my teeth), we wandered home.
The journey home was uneventful.
--------------------------------------------------
Alex: Hey...
Me: Alex, have you got any tweezers?
Alex: Yeah why?
Me: Could you bring them over now please?
Alex: Okay, are you alrite? What have you done?
Me: I'll tell you when you get here. Bye.
Alex: Okay, I'll be about 5 minutes, just got to get ready. Bye
-------------------------------------------------------
Pete was upstairs, Myself, down. I was in my chair, at my desk, when I remembered the earplugs, I thought I'd test them out. I retrieved them from my bag, at the same time fishing the paper out (saves me doing it later) and put both on the desk.
Top drawer, scissors, snip, ear plugs are out of the packaging. What do I have:
Two Ear plugs
Two Yellow Pegs (already inserted into the ear plugs)
Two White Pegs
Instructions (won't be needing them)
I put the earplugs in my ears, no problem there, they fitted well enough, and they were blocking out some of the sound waves reverberating around the house. All in all, on par. At this point I started to wonder what the white pegs were doing there.
--------------------------------------------------
Nurse: Do you want to keep that?
Me: No.
--------------------------------------------------
As I mentioned before, included in the handy, zip-up case for the earplugs were a set of instructions. Before reading these (I still haven't), I came to the conclusion the white peg must go in the end of the ear plug, not, as I now realise, in place of the yellow pegs.
--------------------------------------------------
Man Behind Desk: Hi, can I help you?
Me: Basically, I've got something stuck in my ear...
--------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 18 February 2009
These are a few of my favourite things...
Well, actually, my least favourite things, since the anatomy of a blog can often be improved by complaining or moaning or having a somewhat negative subtext...
Multi-cultural representation in the Media
Equal rights, love it. Multi-cultural Britain, brilliant. People of all racial types living in tolerance, can't argue with that. But don't go putting one of each on Blue Peter. That's confusing for kids, like making a racial checklist. So I've got to have 5 Fruit and Veg a day, brush my teeth twice a day, and there's an Asian, a Black man, a Caucasian and an Irish bloke in all walks of life? Just put the best people for the job on, because I think it's time to move on from monitoring how many different shades we've covered.
Loose Women
Courtesy of ITV, a bunch of middle-aged hags moaning about Orgasms, the Congestion Charge and the Menopause. Not worth the advertisers' money.
Menstrual Cycle Products
Talking of the menopause, do we really need adverts for Always and Tampax during The Bill? Presumably women already remember that they may need to purchase a suitable toiletry during a certain period of time (pun intentional), and I'm not being prudish, but I do not want to be reminded of the menstrual cycle. And I got an A* for Double Science, so I'm not ignorant.
Homeless People
Firstly, they're making me feel guilty. Secondly, stop asking for my change, I need that for either Chips or a Bus ticket. If I gave all my change away I'd be in as much of a state as you, and neither of us want that, do we?
Michael Moore Documentaries
Just a fat guy.
That streak of Piss....
When you've just finished peeing and you pull on your boxers and trousers, only for a little dribble of urine to trickle down the inside of your leg. Enough to ruin a day, and make you wish you'd shaken just a couple more times.
Having said all that, I've grown accustomed to FairTrade Coffee now, so it's not all bad. And I got Pringles on buy one get one free.
Multi-cultural representation in the Media
Equal rights, love it. Multi-cultural Britain, brilliant. People of all racial types living in tolerance, can't argue with that. But don't go putting one of each on Blue Peter. That's confusing for kids, like making a racial checklist. So I've got to have 5 Fruit and Veg a day, brush my teeth twice a day, and there's an Asian, a Black man, a Caucasian and an Irish bloke in all walks of life? Just put the best people for the job on, because I think it's time to move on from monitoring how many different shades we've covered.
Loose Women
Courtesy of ITV, a bunch of middle-aged hags moaning about Orgasms, the Congestion Charge and the Menopause. Not worth the advertisers' money.
Menstrual Cycle Products
Talking of the menopause, do we really need adverts for Always and Tampax during The Bill? Presumably women already remember that they may need to purchase a suitable toiletry during a certain period of time (pun intentional), and I'm not being prudish, but I do not want to be reminded of the menstrual cycle. And I got an A* for Double Science, so I'm not ignorant.
Homeless People
Firstly, they're making me feel guilty. Secondly, stop asking for my change, I need that for either Chips or a Bus ticket. If I gave all my change away I'd be in as much of a state as you, and neither of us want that, do we?
Michael Moore Documentaries
Just a fat guy.
That streak of Piss....
When you've just finished peeing and you pull on your boxers and trousers, only for a little dribble of urine to trickle down the inside of your leg. Enough to ruin a day, and make you wish you'd shaken just a couple more times.
Having said all that, I've grown accustomed to FairTrade Coffee now, so it's not all bad. And I got Pringles on buy one get one free.
Tuesday 10 February 2009
FairTrade?
I ran out of Coffee a few days ago. I'm not an excessive drinker; I have maybe 2 or 3 cups a day, less if I'm busy (a little milk and 1.75 sugars please). A good coffee should fulfil a few criteria:
-Smell good when you open the packet
-Smell good when you pour in the hot (not boiling) water
-Taste good when you drink it
Not too much to ask is it?
Well, I went shopping with a mind to buy around 200 grams of Instant Coffee granules. Obviously you've got Nescafe, they're a safe bet. But a Co-Op own brand of FairTrade Coffee caught my attention, at a price considerably better than Nescafe or any other brands (Kenco etc.).
Now I agree with the principle of FairTrade produce, it's win-win in my book - a little starving feller in Africa gets a little extra for his Coffee beans, and I can be a little smug cos I've helped out a little starving feller in Africa. However, if the Coffee tastes average (at best), I've a good mind to go over and find the starving feller and ask him where he gets off giving me shitty produce.
The Coffee did not smell even good when I opened the jar, it did not smell good when I poured it, and tasted average, bordering on bland. For it to be a FairTrade, surely these Africans should be holding up their side of the bargain? I should add that Isaac has made it clear that he enjoyed both sets of aroma and also the taste, but he's not tried Nescafe recently; in short, his opinion is worthless here, like the Coffee.
If it had been the other way round, and us Europeans were exploiting Africans there'd be an uproar. It's positive discrimination, political correctness gone mad. I've a good mind to get Nelson Mandela on the phone and ask him "What's happened to the Coffee?". Let's force an ultimatum: Sort out the Coffee or we'll stop sending the goats.
-Smell good when you open the packet
-Smell good when you pour in the hot (not boiling) water
-Taste good when you drink it
Not too much to ask is it?
Well, I went shopping with a mind to buy around 200 grams of Instant Coffee granules. Obviously you've got Nescafe, they're a safe bet. But a Co-Op own brand of FairTrade Coffee caught my attention, at a price considerably better than Nescafe or any other brands (Kenco etc.).
Now I agree with the principle of FairTrade produce, it's win-win in my book - a little starving feller in Africa gets a little extra for his Coffee beans, and I can be a little smug cos I've helped out a little starving feller in Africa. However, if the Coffee tastes average (at best), I've a good mind to go over and find the starving feller and ask him where he gets off giving me shitty produce.
The Coffee did not smell even good when I opened the jar, it did not smell good when I poured it, and tasted average, bordering on bland. For it to be a FairTrade, surely these Africans should be holding up their side of the bargain? I should add that Isaac has made it clear that he enjoyed both sets of aroma and also the taste, but he's not tried Nescafe recently; in short, his opinion is worthless here, like the Coffee.
If it had been the other way round, and us Europeans were exploiting Africans there'd be an uproar. It's positive discrimination, political correctness gone mad. I've a good mind to get Nelson Mandela on the phone and ask him "What's happened to the Coffee?". Let's force an ultimatum: Sort out the Coffee or we'll stop sending the goats.
Sunday 8 February 2009
These are the men who made our dreams come true...
Rugby players.
It's 10.8 degrees celsius, 67% humidity (it was 84% when I woke up, and 6.7 degrees celsius) and I'm sat in bed preparing to watch Wales and Scotland meet in the 3rd game of the Six Nations. Yesterday's rugby was at best pretty boring, and at worst duller than a standard measurement convention.
The overwhelming feeling that I've got from the first 3 minutes that I've watched on iPlayer is that the BBC are trying very hard to be arty, epic and a filmic. A nature program narrated by David Attenborough was matched with a pumping and highly produced drumbeat and the line "DRAMA". Then we get to the Rugby, and there's a 300-style narrated piece about Wales' rugby performance. Let's be fair, they're rugby players, not ancient war heroes.
What's next, a new filmic style of News reporting? Perhaps Trevor McDonald will announce just one word - 'Tragedy', while Beethoven's Pathetique Sonata plays over black and white collages of Jade Goody. Maybe a Kaleidoscopic image of HSBC, NatWest and Barclay's with a superimposed collection of money arranged to spell 'Buggered' to the tune of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. Fiona Bruce crying whilst pictures of obese children struggling to press the keys on their iPhones to order more Domino's pizzas play behind her?
Maybe not, but my favourite quotes so far in this broadcast:
"Pull him off 10 minutes into the game" (Need I point out any innuendo here?)
"The only thing he was missing was a red nose"
"I think it's going to be very tight" (More innuendo)
"Running for ball" (This one could also be sexual)
"It will be sticky for the first few minutes" (It's getting far too easy)
Over and out.
It's 10.8 degrees celsius, 67% humidity (it was 84% when I woke up, and 6.7 degrees celsius) and I'm sat in bed preparing to watch Wales and Scotland meet in the 3rd game of the Six Nations. Yesterday's rugby was at best pretty boring, and at worst duller than a standard measurement convention.
The overwhelming feeling that I've got from the first 3 minutes that I've watched on iPlayer is that the BBC are trying very hard to be arty, epic and a filmic. A nature program narrated by David Attenborough was matched with a pumping and highly produced drumbeat and the line "DRAMA". Then we get to the Rugby, and there's a 300-style narrated piece about Wales' rugby performance. Let's be fair, they're rugby players, not ancient war heroes.
What's next, a new filmic style of News reporting? Perhaps Trevor McDonald will announce just one word - 'Tragedy', while Beethoven's Pathetique Sonata plays over black and white collages of Jade Goody. Maybe a Kaleidoscopic image of HSBC, NatWest and Barclay's with a superimposed collection of money arranged to spell 'Buggered' to the tune of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. Fiona Bruce crying whilst pictures of obese children struggling to press the keys on their iPhones to order more Domino's pizzas play behind her?
Maybe not, but my favourite quotes so far in this broadcast:
"Pull him off 10 minutes into the game" (Need I point out any innuendo here?)
"The only thing he was missing was a red nose"
"I think it's going to be very tight" (More innuendo)
"Running for ball" (This one could also be sexual)
"It will be sticky for the first few minutes" (It's getting far too easy)
Over and out.
Tuesday 3 February 2009
Guessing at Numbers and Figures
Science is a representation of the world we live in, a sum of best guesses, an interpretation and explanation (however partial or incomplete) of the stimuli we sense. The models created work on a basis of laws and constants that by their very nature do not change or fluctuate. Theories, however grand or complex, are still limited to our own nuances as a species on the planet; if our senses are limited dimensionally, so too are our contemplations and understandings.
With this said, the BBC has been running a series of programs celebrating the anniversary of Charles Darwin's Origin of Species. I watched the David Attenborough presented feature, and it was an hour packed with great footage, great music and amounted to an all round interesting program. Yet throughout the hour I was thinking, "all this is great, if the models that we are basing these theories on are actually correct". Now, I'm not saying that I don't think Evolution is the best explanation we've got at present (According to The Guardian less than 30% of Britons are convinced), and Mendel's model of genetics is great, but aren't we just playing a giant game of Cluedo? I'll elaborate. We have an end result (the present state of things), and we have a set of laws that co-exist with the end result, and ways of representing this end result (Scientific Knowledge). But are there other laws that would fit equally well that are yet to be discovered? For example, Carol Vorderman could show me several ways of reaching the same conclusion in the Countdown numbers round, and compared to some of the complexities of nature, that analogy is embarrassingly simple.
Did the first life forms 'exist' in four dimensions? If, as animals, we have eventually reached a stage at which we are aware of a concept of time (although in itself this presents all kinds of questions), could future descendants (millenia down the line) ever 'exist' within an additional dimension, one that we cannot sense at present? In the same way that organisms have evolved to sense light, are there other dimensions or stimuli that we at present cannot sense, but in which our current laws and constants do not apply?
One thing we can say with an arrogant certainty; the current state of McVitie's Chocolate HobNobs is a present perfection, and one that we should all enjoy whether or not the current understanding of our universe is satisfactory or not.
With this said, the BBC has been running a series of programs celebrating the anniversary of Charles Darwin's Origin of Species. I watched the David Attenborough presented feature, and it was an hour packed with great footage, great music and amounted to an all round interesting program. Yet throughout the hour I was thinking, "all this is great, if the models that we are basing these theories on are actually correct". Now, I'm not saying that I don't think Evolution is the best explanation we've got at present (According to The Guardian less than 30% of Britons are convinced), and Mendel's model of genetics is great, but aren't we just playing a giant game of Cluedo? I'll elaborate. We have an end result (the present state of things), and we have a set of laws that co-exist with the end result, and ways of representing this end result (Scientific Knowledge). But are there other laws that would fit equally well that are yet to be discovered? For example, Carol Vorderman could show me several ways of reaching the same conclusion in the Countdown numbers round, and compared to some of the complexities of nature, that analogy is embarrassingly simple.
Did the first life forms 'exist' in four dimensions? If, as animals, we have eventually reached a stage at which we are aware of a concept of time (although in itself this presents all kinds of questions), could future descendants (millenia down the line) ever 'exist' within an additional dimension, one that we cannot sense at present? In the same way that organisms have evolved to sense light, are there other dimensions or stimuli that we at present cannot sense, but in which our current laws and constants do not apply?
One thing we can say with an arrogant certainty; the current state of McVitie's Chocolate HobNobs is a present perfection, and one that we should all enjoy whether or not the current understanding of our universe is satisfactory or not.
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