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Rugby players.

It's 10.8 degrees celsius, 67% humidity (it was 84% when I woke up, and 6.7 degrees celsius) and I'm sat in bed preparing to watch Wales and Scotland meet in the 3rd game of the Six Nations. Yesterday's rugby was at best pretty boring, and at worst duller than a standard measurement convention.

The overwhelming feeling that I've got from the first 3 minutes that I've watched on iPlayer is that the BBC are trying very hard to be arty, epic and a filmic. A nature program narrated by David Attenborough was matched with a pumping and highly produced drumbeat and the line "DRAMA". Then we get to the Rugby, and there's a 300-style narrated piece about Wales' rugby performance. Let's be fair, they're rugby players, not ancient war heroes.

What's next, a new filmic style of News reporting? Perhaps Trevor McDonald will announce just one word - 'Tragedy', while Beethoven's Pathetique Sonata plays over black and white collages of Jade Goody. Maybe a Kaleidoscopic image of HSBC, NatWest and Barclay's with a superimposed collection of money arranged to spell 'Buggered' to the tune of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. Fiona Bruce crying whilst pictures of obese children struggling to press the keys on their iPhones to order more Domino's pizzas play behind her?

Maybe not, but my favourite quotes so far in this broadcast:

"Pull him off 10 minutes into the game" (Need I point out any innuendo here?)

"The only thing he was missing was a red nose"

"I think it's going to be very tight" (More innuendo)

"Running for ball" (This one could also be sexual)

"It will be sticky for the first few minutes" (It's getting far too easy)

Over and out.