What a load of Bank...

I may have been too hasty in my analysis and cutting satire of the current economic crisis (below). As it turns out, my assets (very little) are accruing a piss-trickle of interest. And here's where it gets interesting. I have an account with NatWest, and in that account is a sum of money to the sum of just over two-thousand pounds. I can tell what you're thinking - "Hello player, bet you're making a tidy profit off of that stash" - well you'd be wrong. Eleven pence. Eleven pence a month.

Mental. Over a year I get one pound and thirty-two pence of interest. That's insulting. So my reward for entrusting my tender with NatWest is the equivalent of a Solero ice-cream. Or perhaps a portion of chips. Or some of Bertie Bassett's Liquorice Allsorts.

So I'm thinking of ways I could sensibly invest my portion, to accrue a reward equal or greater than the equivalent of 50 posi-drive woodscrews. So far I've got:

-Offer a local drug-dealer my financial backing in return for a 30% stake in his enterprise.

-Get a homeless feller back on his feet, in return for a personal rickshaw service around Bath and the local vicinity.

-Start my own sex service, providing quality sex at credit-crunch beating prices.

-Invest in my future at a wishing well.

-Start my own bank, lending out money I do not have, and pay myself a tidy bonus for doing a shit job - and also give my clients a totally shitty interest rate. Or a Solero.