These are a few of my favourite things...

Well, actually, my least favourite things, since the anatomy of a blog can often be improved by complaining or moaning or having a somewhat negative subtext...

Multi-cultural representation in the Media

Equal rights, love it. Multi-cultural Britain, brilliant. People of all racial types living in tolerance, can't argue with that. But don't go putting one of each on Blue Peter. That's confusing for kids, like making a racial checklist. So I've got to have 5 Fruit and Veg a day, brush my teeth twice a day, and there's an Asian, a Black man, a Caucasian and an Irish bloke in all walks of life? Just put the best people for the job on, because I think it's time to move on from monitoring how many different shades we've covered.

Loose Women

Courtesy of ITV, a bunch of middle-aged hags moaning about Orgasms, the Congestion Charge and the Menopause. Not worth the advertisers' money.

Menstrual Cycle Products

Talking of the menopause, do we really need adverts for Always and Tampax during The Bill? Presumably women already remember that they may need to purchase a suitable toiletry during a certain period of time (pun intentional), and I'm not being prudish, but I do not want to be reminded of the menstrual cycle. And I got an A* for Double Science, so I'm not ignorant.

Homeless People

Firstly, they're making me feel guilty. Secondly, stop asking for my change, I need that for either Chips or a Bus ticket. If I gave all my change away I'd be in as much of a state as you, and neither of us want that, do we?

Michael Moore Documentaries

Just a fat guy.

That streak of Piss....

When you've just finished peeing and you pull on your boxers and trousers, only for a little dribble of urine to trickle down the inside of your leg. Enough to ruin a day, and make you wish you'd shaken just a couple more times.

Having said all that, I've grown accustomed to FairTrade Coffee now, so it's not all bad. And I got Pringles on buy one get one free.

FairTrade?

I ran out of Coffee a few days ago. I'm not an excessive drinker; I have maybe 2 or 3 cups a day, less if I'm busy (a little milk and 1.75 sugars please). A good coffee should fulfil a few criteria:
-Smell good when you open the packet
-Smell good when you pour in the hot (not boiling) water
-Taste good when you drink it

Not too much to ask is it?

Well, I went shopping with a mind to buy around 200 grams of Instant Coffee granules. Obviously you've got Nescafe, they're a safe bet. But a Co-Op own brand of FairTrade Coffee caught my attention, at a price considerably better than Nescafe or any other brands (Kenco etc.).

Now I agree with the principle of FairTrade produce, it's win-win in my book - a little starving feller in Africa gets a little extra for his Coffee beans, and I can be a little smug cos I've helped out a little starving feller in Africa. However, if the Coffee tastes average (at best), I've a good mind to go over and find the starving feller and ask him where he gets off giving me shitty produce.

The Coffee did not smell even good when I opened the jar, it did not smell good when I poured it, and tasted average, bordering on bland. For it to be a FairTrade, surely these Africans should be holding up their side of the bargain? I should add that Isaac has made it clear that he enjoyed both sets of aroma and also the taste, but he's not tried Nescafe recently; in short, his opinion is worthless here, like the Coffee.

If it had been the other way round, and us Europeans were exploiting Africans there'd be an uproar. It's positive discrimination, political correctness gone mad. I've a good mind to get Nelson Mandela on the phone and ask him "What's happened to the Coffee?". Let's force an ultimatum: Sort out the Coffee or we'll stop sending the goats.