Wossy's Welcome Weturn...

Exactly one week ago, we were treated to the twiumphant [sic] reinstatement of Jonathan Ross into the BBC's output. Mr Ross had been enjoying a hiatus of several months after phoning a spanish waiter in a Torquay hotel and ordering four scallops and Trout, on a bed of Rocket. He was joined by Lee Evans, Stephen Fry and Tom Cruise, in what proved to be a fairly dull set of interviews; although that was mostly due to the interviewees, not the interviewer. Hopefully tonight's show will enjoy a slightly better rapport and more casual interviews; but I haven't been able to find who's appearing tonight.

Tom Cruise managed to hide his obvious psychological issues well in his appearance, at no point did he jump on the sofa (he did say it was uncomfortable) or even mention L Ron Hubbard's sci-fi club. A step in the right direction, for sure.

Likewise was his involvement in the Ben Stiller directed "Tropic Thunder". If you want a serious, hard-hitting film, that explores the futility of war and delves into the characteristics of the armed forces, then this film is not for you. But if you want a good laugh at the expense of some unfortunate circumstances and some slightly brown people, then perhaps you should check it out. Cruise's performance was, for me, a highlight of the film. And Jack Black's involvement, unusually, did not make the film an unbearable farce.

In the light of this film, I feel perhaps war is not so bad, and the more we can latch onto America's invasion of other less fortunate countries, the better, especially in the current economic climate. Let's get involved...

That Peter Crouch...

"He must go and sleep in a grow bag, that boy, mustn't he eh?"

This is the sort of material Jim Davidson is capable of delivering during his sidesplitting, hair curling, knee-jerk comedy routines. Other great lines included "My legs look like a f*cking negative of Gandhi's legs alright?", and "F*cking Argentinians, worse than Pakis". Now, I know his humour may not be to everyone's taste, but I for one really think it's a shame that he's no longer welcome on our stages to show us what human beings are capable of in cognitive thought, reasoning and philosophy.

He's still soldiering on though, and it turns out that really the only people that seem to go for his unique brand of comedy are those in the armed forces; as testified by videos on YouTube. It's slightly worrying that those who are supposed to be ambassadors in foreign countries (if they're not maiming and slaughtering) would applaud the assertion that Phillipino women are "Little f*cking machines fuelled by rice".

Not only does he have some great social commentary on race issues such as those above, but his post-feminist views on sexuality are also eye-opening, and not the least bit crude, infantile or downright vulgar.

Still, for an alocholic wife-beater he's not doing too badly...

(Disclaimer: The above prose is laced with a potent blend of irony and fact, and should be treated as such. Artizan Quarter in no way align themselves with the beliefs, assertions or intentions of Jim Davidson.)